The loss of a child, pre or post birth, effects both mother and father.  Since I am a mother, I can speak from my heart about the sorrow of a mother.  This letter is not meant to diminish the feelings or experience of a father.  Perhaps it will help him as he seeks to support the grieving mother: Dear Grieving Mother, God fashioned a mother's heart to remember. Sometimes the memories bring laughter and joy, sometimes sorrow and pain.  For you, dear one, there is a memory which is bittersweet. Nestled in heaven's arms is a tiny baby bearing the likeness of daddy and mommy. Having to say goodbye before you had a chance to say hello brought you deep pain. I know it did, because you have a mother's heart. You think of your little one often, don't you? Wondering if baby has your color hair, or daddy's broad grin.  You can't help but wonder if baby is outgoing, always chatting, ever on the move. Or, maybe introspective, gentle, content with life. You never got to hold your baby in your arms while his or her body radiate with the warmth of life.  You never got to hear baby's gentle breathing, or to count tiny fingers and miniature toes. You'd have given anything, wouldn't you, for the privilege of colic, sleepless nights, earaches, and runny noses? I think there must be nights when you weep for lost kisses, soiled diapers, first words and skinned knees. Having not walked the exact path you have, I can't say that I totally understand what this has been like for you. But being a momma, I think I have a clue. When I think of your loss my heart aches and I want to weep. That must have been so agonizing for you and for your husband. Always you will have the memory of your baby. One day your child will be more than just a memory. One day you will meet face to face. You will hold your treasure in your arms. As one who has accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour you can look forward to exploring your eternal home, the only home she has ever known - heaven. I don't know where you are at on your journey.  In my heart I have feel a deep love and compassion for you. And, if I (mere mortal that I am ) can feel that way, then imagine the depth of the Father's love for you. I do want you to know, my friend, that it's okay to release your little one into the arms of God. You're not betraying his or her memory, you're giving your heart release.  You don't have to carry the pain anymore. It's okay to let go. One day, when you meet your baby I think he or she will ask, "Mommy, what did you do with your life after I was gone?" What will your answer be? "Honey, I was never able to get over my loss of you. I grieved for you the rest of my life." Or, will you be able to say, "Honey, I loved you for always. I never forgot the gift of you. I cried lots of tears, but I asked God to help me get to the other side of my grief. And, He did. I knew that you were being well cared for, and I could rest with that knowing.  Daddy and I had our ups and downs (every marriage does) but I loved him so much. I helped other mommies who had to let go of their babies before they were ready. I learned to love Jesus even more knowing that you were in His care. I lived my life to the fullest because I believe that's what you would have wanted me to do." Based on some thoughts by a woman named Pam Verdevelt and her wonderful book, "Empty Arms" I know this to be true about your baby: Your sweet child has never tasted earth's pain; he or she has only known the sweetness of heaven. The life your baby has lived in heaven is superior to anything we can imagine here. Baby experiences the heights of joy, comfort, satisfaction, love and peace. In heaven there is no fear; no pain (physically, emotionally or mentally). There, there are no bad dreams, no dark scary shadows, no boggie-men. No tummy aches, or bee stings. No hurt feelings, no rejection, no disappointment. Heaven is perfect. One day there will be a time of reunion when you will never be separated again. Baby's life did not end the day the transition was made from your womb to heaven.  Your child understands wonderful experiences which you can only anticipate. The title page of his or her life had only a few lines, but the chapters to follow will be full and marvelous. With all of my heart I believe that your baby is all right.  Sometimes when I miss my own babies, I close my eyes and imagine them in heaven. Maybe your baby gets to play with my babies . . . who knows!  I don't know how it works in heaven, but maybe by now they can run and play - maybe soak their feet in the crystal river, pick luscious fruit from the tree of life. My favorite, "I think it might be like this" imagination is Jesus giving them piggy back rides, or rocking them in heaven's nursery. I like to imagine the angels serenading them to sleep, or playing hide and go seek. Can you imagine a better place to hide then behind an angel's wing? I believe that the moment you set eyes on your child, you will be known. Your baby will know that he or she was conceived in love. I don't believe that the "whys" will matter then. What will matter is that you will be together forever and ever. You'll have eternity to get acquainted. You are special. God looks at you and says, "See that woman? She's mine. She's my girl and I love her. I am proud of her." The events that have occurred in your life are just that - events. They do not define who you are. YOU define who you are; YOU determine where you will go in life by the choices you make. Those choices form the story line upon which your own "still to be" life chapters will be written. How your book ends is up to you. There are a few things I encourage to do: Name your little one. Perhaps, in your hearts or between you and your husband, you have already done that. It will be easier for you to grieve and release if you have given baby a name. Your darling is worthy of that honor. Secondly, I encourage you to write a letter to your baby.  In it share everything you wish that you could tell him or her.  And then, on your knees before God (privately or together), read the letter out loud and ask Him to tell your baby what you have said.  I don't have scripture and verse, but my mother heart believes that God will do just that.  It will hurt, but it will also be healing for your bruised hearts. The grief I experienced after Baby Billy's death was profound and I grieved his death for years. Though we had named him already, it wasn't until after I wrote him a letter that I was able to release him to God. Finally, I encourage you to purchase a baby blanket as a memento of your baby's brief life.  It cannot fill your arms like your baby would have, but it is something to hold as a reminder of the life you bore. Rather then being a reminder of death, see it as a reminder of life. Cry your tears into its softness, hold it close, take a nap with it - whatever you need to do. One day you and baby will be reunited.  Until then live your life to the fullest so that you can give a good report. More importantly live your life so that the Lord can hold you close and say, "Good job. You did well." Love, Ronda   Stories